Stop freaking using Class.forName to load JDBC drivers.

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+# JDBC Drivers and `Class.forName()`
+
+The short version: stop using `Class.forName(driverClass)` to load JDBC
+drivers. You don't need this, and haven't since Java 5. You arguably never
+needed this.
+
+This pattern appears all over the internet, and it's wrong.
+
+## Backstory
+
+JDBC has more or less always provided two ways to set up `Connection` objects:
+
+1. Obtain them from a driver-provided `DataSource` class, which applications or
+   containers are expected to create for themselves.
+
+2. Obtain them by passing a URL to `DriverManager`.
+
+Most people start with the latter, since it's very straightforward to use.
+However, `DriverManager` needs to be able to locate `Driver` subclasses, and
+the JVM doesn't permit class enumeration at runtime.
+
+In the original JDBC release, `Driver` subclasses were expected to register
+themselves on load, similar to
+
+    public class ExampleDriver extends Driver {
+        static {
+            DriverManager.registerDriver(ExampleDriver.class);
+        }
+    }
+
+Obviously, applications _can_ force drivers to load using
+`Class.forName(driverName)`, but this hasn't ever been the only way to do it.
+`DriverManager` also provides [a mechanism to load a set of named classes at
+startup](https://docs.oracle.com/javase/8/docs/api/java/sql/DriverManager.html),
+via the `jdbc.drivers` [system property](http://docs.oracle.com/javase/tutorial/essential/environment/sysprop.html).
+
+## JDBC 4 Fixed That
+
+JDBC 4, which came out with Java 6 in the Year of our Lord _Two Thousand and
+Six_, also loads drivers using the [service
+provider](https://docs.oracle.com/javase/8/docs/technotes/guides/jar/jar.html#Service%20Provider)
+system, which requires no intervention at all from deployers or application
+developers.
+
+_You don't need to write any code to load a JDBC 4 driver._
+
+## But What About My Database?
+
+You don't need to worry about it. All of the following drivers support JDBC
+4-style automatic discovery:
+
+* PostgreSQL (since version 8.0-321, in 2007)
+
+* Firebird (since [version 2.2, in 2009](http://tracker.firebirdsql.org/browse/JDBC-140))
+
+* [MySQL](../mysql/choose-something-else) (since [version 5.0, in 2005](http://dev.mysql.com/doc/relnotes/connector-j/en/news-5-0-0.html))
+
+* H2 (since day 1, as far as I can tell)
+
+* Derby/JavaDB (since [version 10.2.1.6, in 2006](https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/DERBY-930))
+
+* SQL Server (version unknown, because MSDN is archaeologically hostile)